I had a lot of questions before my wedding in 2007.
Although some of my good friends listened and understood my hesitation, more people did not.
Several married people, bridal magazines, bridal message boards, and sitcom pilots simply summed up my feelings as "cold feet ".
"I'm sure my feeling was just the tension at the wedding, the pressure on the plan, the excitement of the big day, and after a while I started to believe that.
After all, how can I not want to get married?
My fiancé and I have been in contact for seven years and we get along very well, he (and still is)
One of the greatest men I 've ever seen. He is a "catch.
"Since the birth of the girl, we have been taught that it is the ultimate achievement to seize him.
Your wedding is the happiest day of your life.
"Everything will be fine once the ring is worn on our fingers.
Except nothing.
My feet are frozen and my denial is frustrating, angry and scared.
However, I don't want to face the fact that I don't want to get married at all (at that time)
Instead, I face my fiance on the altar.
Our marriage lasted only 13 months.
In retrospect, I can now see signs that should make me say "I don't" instead of "I do. " 1)
You asked everyone, "Should I Get Married ? "
"When I was drunk drun walked up and down at the bachelor party and asked my guest," Should I Get Married ? "?
My very honest and intelligent friend Margo said: "I think you know the answer if you need to ask. " Good point!
My response was to ignore the obvious and order more shots.
Getting married is a decision that should involve only two people getting married.
If you have to vote on the masses, you should still, you probably shouldn't. 2)
You really don't care about wedding planning.
If you are not a person who usually cares about party hosting or details, then you may ignore this.
I like to organize some interesting things. I like to be a thoughtful hostess. I like activities.
My wedding should be very unique, thoughtful and personal, but my response to most planning decisions is "no matter what ".
"My sister was like two months before the wedding" well, will you pick out bridesmaid dresses for us soon?
"I don't have a positive plan because I'm not sure if the wedding will be held.
It did happen, it was lovely and fun, but it wasn't the kind of party I would have with a good attitude.
Being indifferent to your wedding is dangerous.
On the other side, hyper-
Attention to wedding details can also be a red flag. Many brides-to-
Lost themselves in the planning of the wedding, so that they lost their sense of self.
Yes, your wedding is an important day, but what is more important than your wedding is your relationship with your future husband.
If you find yourself obsessed with small details in order to curb bigger problems, don't get tangled up.
Com and become real. 3)
You're rarely with your fiancé.
My fiancé moved from New York to the Boston suburbs when I got engaged because I insisted that I wanted to quit the entertainment industry and live in the suburbs near my home like "real adults"up.
"A month after my ridiculous plan was implemented, I started traveling to New York alone.
Before I knew this, I was separated from my fiancé for a longer time than I was together, and it didn't bother me.
So if you don't want to be with someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with, maybe reconsider. 4)
You turned into a warlike bloated oaf
Some girls go crazy because the bridal training camp shrinks to the impossible size, some girls (me)
Continue to binge eat and make yourself uncomfortable with your skin.
Excessive early stage
The wedding diet is not cool, and it is not completely let yourself go.
If you find yourself overindulging in unhealthy habits, you may wonder why (
It's a universal rule of life, not just beforewedding).
I try to escape by drinking most nights a week (
Not in the way of celebrating the wedding)
Eat my feelings (
Not in the cake.
Tasting is an interesting way)
, Just take the terrible care of my body as a whole.
I know myself that I am balanced when I am in a good position in my life, I will take care of my appearance and I will take care of my digestive tract and liver.
When I was in a bad place, I looked like I was in a bad place.
Pay attention to your bad habits and if preparing for your wedding involves abusing your body, you may want to put something on hold (
Including the fifth cocktail). 5)
You cry so badly.
As mentioned, I cried many times during the wedding.
It's perfectly normal to cry when you're stressed and when you're happy. , etc. --
But I cry so hard every week in the therapist's office, "Do I know how to really love ? "
"I cried when I went to buy the wedding dress, partly because there was no suitable thing, partly because every time we put a deposit for the wedding, I felt more and more that I couldn't bail.
I cried at the rehearsal dinner when my fiancé's father gave a wonderful speech about how he still madly loved his wife (My fiance's Mom)
Because I'm jealous I'm not in a crazy relationship.
I was scared of a major issue at the time, and I think most of the people excited to get married were walking alone in Times Square at night with their sunglasses to hide their tears as they judged "happy" tourists (
Yes, I did a lot. .
Listen to your heart in the words of the great Rosett.
It's a hard thing to figure out because the huge changes in life can make us all emotional, so be sure to take some time (
Meditate, walk, write a diary, sit quietly, anything that works for you)
Want to know whether you are crying tears of joy or tears of sadness. 6)
You often want to be single.
I hate the image of a man who is crushed by "old" balls and chains, because sometimes women feel crushed, sometimes women want to know what else is outside, sometimes women (gasp! )
Fantasize about other people.
It is common and normal for men and women to consider others in amazing loyalty relationships.
Taking action on these ideas is a different story.
I got married to my college boyfriend who is my only real boyfriend
Term relationship.
Some people can be with their high school or college lovers and never consider other options, which is good for them and I am not one of the girls.
I don't know if I am because he is "that" or because he is the only one with him so far.
I don't have much to compare with us, so I find myself thinking about dating other men all the time.
So I suggest to my fiancé that we have some openness in our relationship because after all we are super cool enlightened soulmates and know we will be together forever.
I think I'm making such progress, but I'm actually just trying to satisfy my curiosity about single life while keeping relationships safe.
I'm really immature, stupid, selfish.
I know some people have open relationships and it's good, but we didn't do that because we don't know the rules and feelings exactly.
I can't tell you what is "normal" in terms of infatuation, fantasy, flirting, openness, only you and your partner can understand that, I just know that if I get married again, that would be because I was very concerned about the man I was with, not the man I could have been. 7)
You don't want to get married.
Very simple, don't get married if you don't want to get married.
If you get married because you feel pressure from your partner, family, society, you are afraid to be alone, you are afraid that no one will love you again, you are old, your friends are married, you want a wedding gift, you don't know what else to do except get married: Don't get married.
Time is everything, I wasn't ready when I got married, but I did it anyway because I couldn't think of a good enough reason not to get married, and now recall, I know "I don't want to get married now" is enough.
Don't get caught up in your fears, do the best for you, you'll be fine.
It may take some time, I promise, but you will be fine.
If you live in New York City and would like to hear more about my marriage/divorce, please watch my personal performance "bad bride" at the integrity civic travel Theater.
Dates and tickets for the upcoming show.
The article was originally published on xoJane.