A judge admitted that he had painted a penis on a court computer system.
Neil Ford QC said his "very big penis" graffiti was sent to all employees on the Web.
His mischief caused all his colleagues to confiscate their computer pens.
The 63-year-old judge was admitted to Bristol as a recorder after he retired.
He also said that when a colleague plays a rude hangman on the train, he will fill his bag with mini gin.
Finally, he presented his "resignation" message to the guests of the royal court of Bristol --
Raise the fist of the middle finger.
He revealed that he had a countdown clock on his phone that followed the rest of his retirement days and that he had seen a psychologist to help deal with the "sense of loss ".
Neil Ford QC told the court that he plans to ski, fish and travel in his spare time, and even has signed up for a photography course, which will be attended by a retired judge.